Self-introspect

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I am lonely.

More accurate, I am lonely living aboard.

Loneliness is always my mate, living right next to me, staying beside me for long since I was small. It hurts me sometimes in the past but no longer affects my life at all, at present, since I've learnt to accept and welcome it, as an irreplaceable aspect of life. There is no such feeling like happy or sad when being lonely as it becomes a normal mood. I have a supportive family, sympathetic friends, an enthralling lover and quite many interests to inspire me to live. It is a full life actually. You can ask why do I need to be lonely? Okay, loneliness here doesn't mean I have no one with me but no feeling living here. Overseas.

I have been going aboard for nearly 4 years and it is quite a tough time. The aboard life is just fine, I can adapt to a new living environment not so well, but not so bad either. Of course I have some certain difficulties at first but things are all fine after early periods of time, I overcome all of those. The longer I live here, the better I feel 'cos I have my 100% freedom without parents' surveillance. I learn to live on my own and decide my life, it is a great experience ever! I learn to make foreign friends and make money as well as make fun to enjoy the life. After all, it is my luck to go study aboard, and become a man out of boy.

However, last few days when I was going in the middle of the street, I just felt deeply lonely, just like no one were besides or all were strangers. I just realize I don't belong to this society, this city, or this place. No matter how much I try to love it, this society isn't mine. Again, I must make you right that the problem doesn't come from the feeling of having no one stay with. I just realize everything is somehow unreal. People I know, the freedom, the life... everything is not real. Don't know why.

Vietnam, honestly, is not a good country to live. Vietnamese society and people has too many vices and bad sides which can kill brutally my love for it. I hate many Vietnamese stupid cultures and bad people. I hate Vietnamese government polices. I hate the uncivilized condition of its either people and society. I hate many many things belong to Vietnam. However, I am a Vietnamese. My roots is Vietnamese. If someone ask me whether I feel proud of being a Vietnamese, I will NOT say YES immediately. I will suggest the question to be clearer, "proud for which extent?" For some certain extents, I really feel happy to be a Vietnamese and vice versa. Still, I know many Vietnamese fuckin' people refuse their roots when being asked "where are you from?". In stead of answering "Vietnamese" they lie other nationalities. Okay, maybe I'm not fully proud of being a Vietnamese but I never refuse being a Vietnamese. Never hide my roots.

I can see negatively toward Vietnam country but I prefer living in my native land, Hanoi, to elsewhere. Hanoi is a true place where I belong to and I am a true Hanoian. Maybe I am not fully proud of being a Vietnamese but I am really really proud of being a Hanoian because Hanoi is the best city of Vietnam no matter what others say! I think the feeling of loneliness I'm having at the moment essentially results in the fact that I cannot belong to elsewhere but Hanoi. When you feel you cannot live truly happy in a place---or the place you're living in isn't meant for you---the best you should do is to go back to where you come from. So yeah, I'm coming back where I come from, Hanoi. Next year. But...

In order to be able to come back, I must graduate soon from university and try to earn some bucks which enable me to be affordable for the life there. Actually I am getting stuck on my study and work here at the moment. Feeling a little disappointed... My study is quite tedious and killing my inspiration. My work is procrastinated endlessly. However, if I wanna back ASAP, I must finish the goddamn study quickly, no other way... To be honest, I'm never a studious student since I have no inspiration for studying, but if it is for the dream of coming back my home, there is no place for such thing like want or don't want, just do it! I think it will be the first time in my life I devote time and effort for study. Maybe I will study my ass off and kill all my free time to read read read, just like a bookworm and soon become a dull... Okay, let me explain or else you think of me as a lazyass. I hate school and academic environment! I prefer self-researching and self-studying. It is my strength to self-study and I have penchant to follow my own interests more effectively rather than being forced to study something. I have my own ways to collect and accumulate knowledge and living experiences. Everyday, I learn myself something new from the Internet and society and people. Everyday, I keep myself gaining something which makes me gradually a good person. It is my way to learn. I don't really think some subjects I'm dying into at school are quite necessary for my future but okay let don't talk about it, it's education, hell... Anyway, I hate studying, and the best way to get out of it is to finish it. So yeah! Kill it soon and concentrate on working for a short time before coming back. My plan is set!

I'm 22 years old at the present. Never before do I crave for a stable life in which I can live freely to promote my career. Yes, I'm in the gateway to my career and it's urgent time to concentrate on advancing required skills and abilities or else I become a loser. Everything I wish for at the present is the time pushes quickly for next 3 years, when I would be 25 and maybe having my own family! Yes, I'm serious when talking about my-own-family.

I have been lonely quite enough and now I just wanna say bye bye to that old mate. Since I realize family is the most important thing in life, I just look forward to having it. A man really needs a family as a solid foundation for him to single-eyedly develop his career! I am fed up with having lonely meals daily. I am worn out getting home just to enjoy the completely lonesomeness because home is meant as just me and me here. I am weary of doing things alone. Never before do I wish for having my own home sweet home where has my lady and babies laughing. Never before I yearn for a stable life. Oh gosh, you can make fun of me because as you might think; I'm just 22 and it's quite early to think of my own family but it's the truth! My mindset has changed inversely, I used to plan to have a family at about 30, but now I think I cannot wait that long! I need a company to walk with me in the long road ahead. Family---includes its all members---is the best company I can find!

Hanoi is the place I make my dream come true. Hanoi is where I belong and family is what makes my life. It's it!

So yeah, try hard to achieve the dream! C'mon, myself!

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Passion for Music culminated by Love

Sunday, September 27, 2009

I love Music.

Among many passions I have ever had in my life, I realize music possesses my highest desire! Nothing is comparable to music, and I deem music is the purest thing originates for many other human's passions. Music is able to delight or depress me depends on which song I listen to. It's just a mysterious power! I think I have a good sense of music though, once I'm in the right mood for a song, I can easily stay in trance for it for a long time. I can be able to feel the beauty of a single piece of note or the rhythm if my concentration reaches its top. I like writing, and each time I plan to write something, I often listen to a collection of songs in search for writing inspiration. Most of the times I find what I wanna find!

Talking about the beauty of a song, empirically, there are songs just are subtle over your mind and you do not feel it for the first time listening. But suddenly when you are in the middle of something, sentences of a lyrics cross by your mind and make you notice, then that song will go inside you quickly. You might feel nonsense for a given song at first, but you can never anticipate if it really is not meant for you later on. This phenomenon happens to me quite often. Be flexible and opened! Many people know me also know that I once proclaimed I would only enjoy Rock music as my essence of life. I used to think Rock is the one and only genre merits listening to. Oh yeah, how superficial I was haha :P. Since I learn to enjoy the life more, surprisingly, I find out beside Rock, there are many many other genres should try or else my life is worthless. Pop, Jazz, Country, Folk and so on, even Rap. All are fantastic!

I have the habit to listen to music alone. If you have ever read a novel of Japanese author Haruki Murakami, South of the border - West of the Sun, you will see me as the protagonist of that novel, Hajime, at least for the habit to enjoy music. Hajime is partial to immerse himself into his own world with full of books and music and other interests where no one can trespass. So do I! I wanna be alone with the fear that others could ruin my peaceful ambiance music brings. As time flies, I gradually lessen this extreme point of view and let other good friends enjoy music with me. I had one beautiful night sharing the music during the last summer short trip with my best friends, it was a very nice experience ever. But that kind of friend is rare, like one or two only.

Also, I reckon lovers don't really need to be harmonious in the taste of music 'cos each can enjoy himself/herself lonely and separately. My ex-girlfriends don't have same taste with me, and we never listen together something. Actually I cannot stand for her music and neither she can. But, it is just fine to me. Why need her to share? Anyway, all of the sudden, my Sweetheart shows me that if a couple can share the feeling of music, it's just a platonic love.

Well, talking back to the novel aforementioned, the content just fits our affair well. Hajime is an extremely introvert thinker who always lives lonely and does things with his discretion. He is too protective for his private life. But eventually he finds he can share everything, include music, with his girl, Shimamoto, and they are childhood friends. Over the time, they lose each other for many many years and only after they are adults could they reunite. Basically, it is just same to me and my Sweetheart. We lost each other 11 years ago---shorter than the time Hajime and Shimamoto have--- but luckily I can catch her again now :P. The babyish affection still retains and enhances into a higher level, known as Love.

It is an ineffable feeling when I find out we are like-minded, in many extents: viewpoints, habits, hobbies, life-styles... almost everything. I never expect my girl must be alike with me 'cos I know each person has his/her own personality, but the more similar we are, of course the better. Now I believe if a couple is maladjusted each other and they cannot find things in common, sooner or later they won't not have a very happy ending. My conclusion is applicable in most of the cases, as I base on plenty of people's love stories. The most common explanation for many breakups simply is "mismatch", but what does mismatch really mean? No one cares about it until they break up. So yeah! It's my experience that I should fathom the girl I target out first, then decide to take thing seriously with her or not. A couple who don't have time to discover each other and hastily jump into love would end up nothing. The prerequisite for a solid, long-term affair should be like-mindedness between lovers, I suppose. Maybe I and my Sweetheart are coeval so we can understand as well as sympathize each other well. At least, we have no conflict stems from age differences yet, like other couples. Age differences create viewpoint differences you know.

Opps... seem like I'm misleading. Okay, music again. It's true that since I fall in love with my Sweetheart, she helps culminate my passion for music. Naturally, we share our music even our tastes are not the same. But unconsciously I open my mind to accept her music, also accept me to try them. I realize she has a good sense of music, too, or maybe even better than me. Her taste is rather refined. Songs recommended by her are all good, most of them are love songs. Cute. I love them, very much.

Greater than just listening to music together, Sweetheart sings for me! She is my unique singer. Oh my Goddess, it's wonderful if you can conquer a girl who can sing :D. She loves singing and hearing her songs now becomes my daily habit. Some songs she sings I cannot find consonant if I listen to other professional singers' performances with the shortage of love as additional taste she offers :P. I feel harmony exists between us in music. Each song she sings, she also indicates which sentences of lyrics are cute or meaningful to her, or explains the meaning of the song for me. I feel like she touches my sense of music and inspires it so that I can feel the songs deeper. Her magnetic voice enthralls me, brings me back to the childhood when I lived peacefully. It is a very pleasant feeling after all, to immerse totally into the world of rhythm.

It's true to say Sweetheart widens my world of music, puts many good songs into it. Also reminds me to carefully discover the hidden message which a song contains. I pay more attention to the lyrics, ponder its meaning and note down some beautiful sentences I'm into. Seem like each of the song I can find a part of "me" within, and it's just lovely!

Music is a pure joy of life. I love it. Of course I always love music but thanks to my Sweetheart, the love for music could be able to reach its climax. Music purifies my mind and frees it up from boredom. Each night before I sleep, my unique singer lulls me by some love songs. Each morning when I wake up, if we can meet, she delights me by her voice, again. In case of not meeting each other, I enjoy myself with those shared songs. I just think music is our common way of communication. By together walking in that way, we become intimate and close. Sometimes, we stay together, without saying a word but listen to a song, or she sings for me. It's just enough to touch each other's insight. Also, my heart is opening now to self-discover other styles of music which I have never tried before. More than a surprise, there are so many good ones out there. Opps, my laptop's hard-disk is overloaded with music now. Oh yeah, my most valuable treasure!

Have you listened to music today yet? :P

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Love & Loss

Friday, September 18, 2009

The picture above taken from the movie Fast & Furious 4. Three guys are talking and drinking. The middle guy (bad guy) raises his glass of wine and says, "to the ladies we love, and the ladies we lost. Salute!".

It is a little scene of the movie, but I find it impressing. Yeah, someday you will head to a certain period of your life which is long enough for you to look back the past. What reminds you of then? Memories. Sometimes, memories of fading affairs really turn you down. Within your life, how many ladies have you hooked on? How many times have you felt missing someone badly? How did you react?

We can easily love a lady, and dump her even easier. Love is somehow impulsive and sometimes we just follow our vagarious moods to get into a lady without pondering whether we match her or not. Why bother pondering? We feel her sexy/pretty/cutie and it's just enough to get into her. That's it. Life is easy. Ladies, are sometimes too naive---or too easy or too wise---for us to catch---or to be caught, that we get involved into such amourette hastily. We don't even have time to feel love before it's gone. And when it's gone, we have no after-taste of it at all, or just a very slight scent of hers is still subtle over our minds, which also totally vanishes transiently.

However, I believe if we respect love seriously, we will be much happier. Love-game is easy to play, and easy to lose yourself, too. What is left after such games is a feeling of emptiness which is really be able let you down inextricably. Talking about the ladies, sometimes the ladies we lost deserve being reminisced. Anyhow, they are whom we used to love, or still loving. I have my ladies. They crossed by my life and gave me such happiness. I lost them, and I don't remember a lot of things about them, except sad memories. Time kills all. After a breakup of an affair, I keep some love-tokens of ours. But I realize that I lose those stuffs over the time, also realize if we want to keep something reminiscent of the past, we should keep the intangibles not the tangibles. Memory is intangible so that it could be kept longer in our minds. Unfortunately, time also kills human's minds, too, so that we will lose everything of the past someday, and soon. It is why I always treasure memories as the most invaluable, cherishing thing. Memory is the proof of the life I have passed by, and each single piece of it never ever is allowed to forget regardless of cheerful or tearful it is. It is what makes my life's meaning: cherish the past as present is less prior.

But no matter how much I cherish the memory, it's gone someday as time passes by. I know this and I accept this. To be honest, I think it's better the memory is gone naturally instead of staying with its owner immortally. If we rigidly insist on keeping the past, we will close our hearts and sooner get stuck. We should keep our mind, heart, and soul open in lieu of closing them, otherwise we are unable to find next love. When memory is gone, it is. Past is past and we are living at present.

Last night, I had such a nightmare about my first lover. She was there, clearly. She smiled. She laughed. We were intimate. Just like the time we were together. Hell, the dream illustrated too clearly about us, we did such thing which I cannot stand for or never think of again since I lost her. She was too real. It was not the first time I dreamt of her but it was the first time the dream illustrated such silly and terrible things which scared me. Sigh... she is too far away now but it seems I still get obsessed from her. When I woke up, I hardly believed I could have a dream like that. It really turned me down and scared the hell out of me. Okay, dream is just a dream and I'm not kind of person who is afraid of confronting the past, or anything. What makes me scared from that dream is not because I met her again, but the feeling as if I still have something on her or else the dream shouldn't be that... intimate. The fact is I have nothing left for her. Absolutely. Totally.

I'm deeply into my new affair now and don't wanna have anything affects on it. That kind of dream really pisses me off when I see myself embracing with other girls rather than my true girl. I'm sweated when I wake up and a little bit thrilling. How the hell could I have such a dream?

Thing goes fine when I'm online and read my sweetheart's sweet offline messages. I just feel like to be revitalized. Anyway, it is a dream and even how bad it is, nothing you need to care about, just forget it. I realize what my real love is and what I really should cherish: the present. Yes, I should not cherish the past that much, what I should cherish is the current life! Sweetheart, she is my present life and I should put everything from the past behind in order to be with her. Past is worth being treasured but I should take it easy. Sometimes bad memory comes and it hurts, but I can be able to keep it in guarantee so that it no longer infects other aspects of my life. I can keep my head up, I can move my life on whatever happens.

I still can salute for both the lady I love and the ladies I lost care-freely. I still remember them. I treated my lost ladies bad from the past which is my lesson now to treat my current lady better. Still, I forgive every bad things they have done to me, too, and really appreciate them for crossing by my life and giving me such happiness. Thank you, ladies! Wish you all lucky in life, as I am since I can find new love. My new essence of life: avoid mistakes from the past re-happening and treasure the present!

Let me close the past and open the present. What is bygone, is bygone!

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Co-habitation

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Prelogue

Few weeks ago, I wrote an entry entitled "Pre-marital Intimacy", which is incomplete so that I add the missing second part of it.

The term "Co-habitation" in this entry means pre-marital co-habitation or to cohabit without marriage. Due to the fact that this life-style is outdated already in many other countries, Vietnamese people still see it as immoral. In short, cohabitation is unaccredited in such a deeply feudal country because it defies against the culture.

Vietnamese culture disallows people to cohabit before marriage but the national law does not state this life-style illegal. Cohabitation becomes illegal only in the case the joiners are already married to other people. Hence, I will only analyze cohabitation based on safe cases: cohabitants are single in marital status or divorcees. Moreover, cohabitants should be above 16 years old or else they break the national law. Before going deep into analysis, there is one important issue should be clarified here: is cohabitation immoral? Or isn't it?


Moral or Immoral?

From the past, Vietnamese culture allows men to have more than one wife whose average ages could range from 12 to 16---unbelievably young! Nowadays, the country seems to be civilized a little bit since it sets the law in which punishes people who have more than one spouse. In the meantime, the law also claims it is illegal for people to have sex under the age of 16. It is completely contrary to the past, as you can see. But it is funny that if our predecessors see a model of family with multiple spouses whose ages are young is just normal and natural, modern people in current society see it immoral!??

Where does the code of morality originate from? Of course, it is ingrained from generations to generations over the time. It is historical! So why people consider cohabitation and early sex are immoral now? If they insist it is immoral so the predecessors are all immoral, too? Is it funny? Paradoxically, people are living the modern life but they are less open-minded compared to their ancestors. We are having a bigger life, but getting smaller brains.

The truth is that Vietnamese people don't even have ourselves an official, national-widely accredited code of morality at all. What people are keep calling "Morality" is simply a ridiculous concept which is set by a group of people who distractingly state themselves as patronized class in the society. They empower themselves to judge others to be immoral even they don't bother thinking that they are ones who go against their own culture. Over the time, this spontaneous rule becomes prevailing just because many people are too weak to resist it, and they end up unreasonably assenting. Reluctantly.

What I am all implying about is that cohabitation---and of course pre-marital sex, which already proved in previous entry---is NOT immoral. If you do not accept it, just shut your mouth up! Firstly, do not bring "morality" here to support for your own conservative viewpoint. Morality does not concern. Secondly, do not tell me that it is against the national culture because our, aka Vietnamese, culture does accept cohabitation as well as early sex. Looking back the past and learn to appreciate our history!

After all, once cohabitants do not break the laws, no one can have the right to judge them. You can realize there are many bunches of hypocrites in the society who jointly form Vietnam as a hypocritical nation. It is our shame, even you posit it or not.


Why disapproves cohabitation?

Beside the misconception of immorality, people have other reasons to disapprove cohabitation. I myself support some of those.

In general, cohabitation is usually emerging among the young people, especially students. In the limited extent of this entry, I just wanna talk about the young's cohabitation who still not get married. The fact is that many cohabitants still do not prepare themselves necessary knowledge and skills before getting involved into living with another people. Cohabitation results in the increasing rate of abortion, the alarmingly number of self-murderers and other social maladies. All stem from the bad education system, as I already said once in previous entry.

Responsibility is what most cohabitants lack of. Many of them volunteer to cohabit but are not responsible enough to jointly solve when facing difficulties happen. With the thought that they are still not official spouses, they seem to forget to promote their cohabiting lives as happy as possible. Essentially, cohabitation and marriage are the same, the thing differs them is just a wedding---a formal procedure. Apparently, Vietnamese young people distinguish clearly between a spouse and a cohabitant and consequently leads to different attitudes---respect or disrespect---toward the person they are living with. Many blokes view his cohabitants as someone they just are playing with, not their serious relationships which deserve a full respect. They can dump their cohabitants whenever they want, as boys say. I think it is a REAL problem of morality!

Furthermore, many girls who agree to cohabit with their men turn out to be not ready enough. They misconceive the people they live with and only after sharing their lives could they understand how bad their partners are. Being given bad treatment and unfair behaviors, girls feel regretful and easily get both spiritual and physical pains which lead their lives to hell. It is, again, a REAL problem of morality. Society always strikes its unjust prejudice towards women if they have lived with other men before their husbands. Thus, in order to live okay under a feudal society like Vietnam, women who wanna cohabit should be aware of people's criticism and consider whether they can stand on it or not.

Being irresponsible, people easily lose their love affairs after cohabiting. They are open-minded enough to voluntarily cohabit but not open-minded enough to accept their partners' weakness or bad sides revealed during the cohabiting life. They have an illusive hope to make their lives happy when living with their lovers but they are not ready to compromise each other in dealing conflicts. In most of the case of breakups, cohabitants are all defending for their strong, egoistic personalities instead of calming down to sympathize each other. Also, as said, with the thought that they have not married yet, they do not need to preserve the relationship and end up ruining it once they realize how different they are. Easy comes, easy goes.

All of the above issues to say that many young people are having troubles with their attitudes of cohabitation. Lack of knowledge to have a safe sex leads to bad consequences afterward, lack of necessary responsibility leads to inevitable breakup, lack of sympathy and respect to each other and so on. No wonder why people disapprove cohabitation.

Think seriously before you react!


Why approves cohabitation?

However, cohabitation has good side. It is a sign of love's sublimation to which a couple show each other. Cohabitation makes people be closer and sometime it is a memorable time in one's life. Love-based cohabitation is romantic and very special for lovers to get to know each other better, as well as to experience their harmony. Life is harsh and sometime we need someone stays beside us, cohabitation is ideal this way! Still, cohabitation can teach people to be responsible since they are not living for their own but for others, too.

Practically, cohabitation also solves a very big deal to most of the adolescents: sex need. Yes, sex need! People need and want sex, by cohabiting they satisfy their basic instinct. It is natural to the up-growth of human being and I have no idea but to support it.

Cohabitation without official wedding is convenient. Many married people get stuck in their marriage since they don't feel good being with their partners, but fear of divorcing due to the social prejudice. Cohabitation is great this way, people can say goodbye easier once they still ain't under the legal binding. No binding life sounds irresponsible but in some isolated cases, it agitates people to live easier and freely. It is what life meant to be, easy and free. I love this life!

More than that, cohabitation is important for future spouses. It is illustrated as a testing period of time for two people to measure their harmony. Harmony is prerequisite which decides whether spouses can keep living long-termly or not. Many people who do not have the cohabiting time before marriage feel disappointed after that. I can say the raising divorce rate results in lacking of time getting to know each other before marriage.


Cohabitation and Marriage

I have a very interesting case supports for the entry, here it is [link]. Published in Dantri (a cheap Vietnamese e-tabloid), the article tells us about a couple who has decided to cohabit since the student time when they were studying aboard, until when they are back to Vietnam and working. They seem to go well until the man wants to get married with his cohabitant. Surprisingly, she refuses as she tells wedding is not important since they are living just fine together. The man feels upset, and he is under pressure of his parents since they are too old and all they want is to see him gets married and has babies. Typical feudal style of parents in Vietnam. The man gets in dilemma in which he can not even find a way to get outta which results in the couple's lack of explicit conversation to exchange their wants and needs. No wonder their relationship will be broken. It is an archetypal example of most common problem for any cohabitation.

Here, I raise a question, is a marriage important? Come back to my old entry to read my viewpoint of Vietnamese traditional wedding, and the way to facilitate it: [link]

Back to the case, when the woman insists it is fine for her to keep living together with the man, and she agrees to have babies due to the man's, and his parents', needs and wants, but he still does not feel satisfied. He needs a wedding to declare their official matrimony while she views it unnecessary. The fact that she is totally right. Why needs a wedding to declare their matrimony? It is real that they have been living together for years and they can be considered spouses already. A wedding doesn't help at all in making things be better. Such a matter of attitude people often misconceive; marriage is too much being over-estimated.

Vietnamese people still view non-married cohabitants is eccentric and rebellious. Marriage has bad sides itself, so many people fear of it. More and more misogamists are becoming a group of people in the society and forms an emerging life-style which is being followed by a number of young people. Is it bad or good, you answer it yourself!

Anyway, I just wanna say that cohabitation is human's natural right, do not judge it or fuss too much. Be responsible is all you should be, before considering cohabitation. If you think you do the right thing, just do not care to society's criticism. It is not worth.

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Destined Love

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Feeling like being crazy of reading a very long, boring material served for the subject I'm studying my ass off, I decide to postpone it and write something. As you might know, writing is something like releasing the boredom through my fingertips, hope it helps me get back my aspiration now...

...

Following the daily news, just to realize Hanoi is touching its very first signs of upcoming autumn. Wow, autumn! My most favorite season of a year in the past. However, after 3-year-plus, I have no idea how other seasons except summer are like in Vietnam? In my current mind, the last images of Hanoi autumn, winter and spring have all diluted and been effing, or they are just very vague remaining senses. All I still remember is that once the very first sign of autumn appears, people all feel good in hope of fleeing from the hot weather of summer. I guess Hanoians are all feeling very eager to see the falling leaves now. :)

Cold weather is always better than the hot, as I think. Apply into Love case, the scene of a couple walking together and the girl is nestling in her boyfriend to hide herself from the breezing cold wind, while holding hands to warm themselves up, is, unconsciously, my strongest impression of the intimacy of love :X. Since I love someone, I love the winter, too! Not the autumn anymore, even a scene of a couple walking together under falling leaves from the trees is quite beautiful, too. Autumn can bring lovers a pleasant and romantic feeling, while winter gives you more than that---a cognizance of protection. Holding my lover's cute hands to warm her up, twining her to feel the cold is being lessened, is what I think I'm truly meant to do, in the winter, to show my love. Peaceful!

Destined Love, also known as meant-to-be love is an interesting concept, due to some people's mindset. Idealistically, love is already set in one's life and when you find it, it is your destiny. Your fate. Apparently, people also believe that if a couple cannot meet in the previous karma, they will reunite in the next karma and become lovers (religioner's belief). Okay, it's just what I have read, doesn't belong to my own mindset at all. I just think there is no such things like destiny or fate exists. If there is destiny or fate, then human's life is obviously already determined, or set, so that nothing we can do to change it. No matter what. Ridiculous. If we're living the already-set-life, so why we bother trying to live well or to be responsible or else? If you are miserable or poor, then is it your destiny? Or you are just not lucky enough, or competent enough? You answer it!

My mindset: destiny or fate is what human creates, not what creates human! So yeah, you create your life and determine how it becomes. Anyway, even I don't believe about destiny or fate, there is an exception when talking about love. Love is uniquely different, theoretically and practically. It is not what a person can surely create and it stands beyond human's subjective wish. Love is simply a hazard itself. Unforeseeable. So that love is somehow half destiny, half fate. Still, the other half of love lies on your hands. You still have a certain power to decide whether you can find a love or not if you stand up and react, instead of keeping doing nothing but wishing.

If you feel you meet someone seems to be like-minded with you, don't miss that chance. Let him/her be close to you to discover more about the truth. But always keep in mind the hazard of love in order to avoid being grief-stricken once love's gone. Because love is somehow destined, nothing you can do then (if you have done your best already but nothing changes). Maybe the effing love is still not what is destined for you, so let it go and patiently wait for your real goal.

In my opinion, a destined love should last long, maybe lifetime. I feel tedious about such fragile, easily-vanishing relationship I have experienced so far, both loves and crushes. After such relationships, you will realize the value of love drops down in your eyes. Sometime I yearn for a long-term and trustable love that I can put my belief in. There was time when I was quite choosy, thought that as many girls appear in my life as better, so that I have many choices to decide who will best matches me. Now, I feel like I don't need many girls but only one. The last one, I hope...

Still be early to affirm whether I'm having a destined love or not, but as far as I believe, I can decide half of the success, or failure, of the love I am cherishing. So yeah, everything should be done now is to change it from a random hazard into a real love affair, by effort and enthusiasm. Are you with me, my destined love?

09:38 pm
130909

Donna Donna

Friday, September 4, 2009

I love this song, Donna Donna. If you have yourself a lover, it's my highly recommendation you ask him/her to sing this for you. Pay attention to the lyrics, mind the rhythm, and immerse into it, you will be enchanted by love!

This is one of the finest songs I have ever heard. Simply touching and simply stunning in every ways, it will purify your mind and fill it up with only one thing: love. If it is sung by a cutie you fall for, you even can feel being touched till the utmost inner nerves. Your sense of music would reach its climax that nothing you can think of but the song. I totally forget where I am staying, how I am like, I just speechlessly listen to it, and be inspired!

I'm obsessed by this song. Keep repeating and whistling its rhythm all day long, think of it every seconds while doing other things. This song is what I will listen to, each night, 'till the dream comes.

Donna, Donna

On a wagon, bound for market,
There’s a calf with a mournful eye.
High above him, there’s a swallow,
Winging swiftly through the sky.

How the winds are laughing,
They laugh with all their might.
Love and laugh the whole day through
And, half a summer’s night.

Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna,
Donna, Donna, Donna, Don,
Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna,
Donna, Donna, Donna, Don.

Stop complaining said the farmer,
Who told you a calf to be?
Why can’t you have wings to fly with,
Like the swallow, so proud and free?

How the winds are laughing,
They laugh with all their might.
Love and laugh the whole day through
And, half the summer’s night.

Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna,
Donna, Donna, Donna, Don,
Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna,
Donna, Donna, Donna, Don.

Calves are easily bound and slaughtered
Never knowing the reason why
Oh, why can't you have wings to fly with
Like the swallow you've learned to fly

How the winds are laughing,
They laugh with all their might.
Love and laugh the whole day through
And, half the summer’s night.

Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna,
Donna, Donna, Donna, Don,
Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna,
Donna, Donna, Donna, Don.

Listen with me!

Love.

http://www.ne.jp/asahi/minako/watanabe/Donaenglish.htm

0105 pm
050909

First day of the last year

Thursday, September 3, 2009

It means my first school-day of the last school-year. Student life is gonna end soon!

In Finland and my Uni, in the first two years students study full-time to achieve both basic and specific knowledge about certain fields, like mine is International Business. Since the 3rd years, students are supposed to do the exchange study in other countries, then to do the practical training as well as to prepare for the thesis. Normally in the 3rd year studying, students don't go to school and neither do I.In fact I did go to school to study 1 or 2 courses but in very short time, because I was busy doing those compulsory stuffs.

So that this morning is almost the first time I come back school after one year. Wow. I felt a little bit excited 'cos this summer time passes by slowly, and I'm getting slothful for just staying home all the time, except several working hours. Quite boring! Come back to study is funny, at least it gets you outta the too-much-free-time idle life.

Getting up quite early this morning, I settle myself with quick gym, quick bath and quick breakfast. Wow, the usual dizzy I get each time waking up just disappears. Welcome, new morning! I'm feeling full of energy and be ready now, especially when I immerse myself into the consonant, consolable rhythm of my fav songs: Lover's Concerto, Love Paradise and At any time. Thanks someone for suggesting me that cute music! :P

I'm not in a hurry 'cos the school won't start sooner than 0950 am, and it's just 0800 am now so that I get myself out of house just to realize how pleasant the weather is. Very nice breezing cold wind surrounding me just makes it perfect for a walk to school. Oh yeah, it's really Finnish autumn! The best time in a year since it's not too hot and not too cold, either. Quite pleasant! Leisurely walking along those deserted streets is quite an amazing experience, I suddenly realize I love this city much more than I expected, it seems... It's funny, I never think I like Finland. But recently, I just think I might miss this country badly when I'm back to Vietnam. Okay, nothing can compare to my sweet Hanoi but this peaceful city is really a memorable place. At least, I spend my youth here for some years and a certain affection I've given to it. Anyhow.

Here comes my beloved University! Wow, amazing. It's good to meet those familiar faces again, and the feeling of attending at class just like the first day is quite touching! My first course is International Business Operation. Opps, I forget to tell that it is one of the most important courses that BBA students are supposed to take. No wonder how hard and challenging it is! Okay, it's shameful to reveal the truth but I failed in the exam of this course the previous year so I'm gonna take it again... Damn, that lecturer of this course last year, I must say, was like an asshole! Strict and rigid, he possesses a very bad pedagogic teaching method that even makes it harder for the students to follow! That's why I feel quite hesitant to attend this class at first with the fear that I HAVE TO face that ugly asshole again. But, all of the sudden the lecturer comes into the class is not him! Bravo, a middle-aged lady! Thumb up for my school when it replaces lecturers over time. She is a very nice female Finnish teacher, I mean easy-going and convincing. I have never met such a female lecturer with that strong personality. Normally, new lecturer will spend 2-3 minutes to introduce himself/herself briefly in front of the class but that lady is totally different. She did make a digital presentation to introduce herself, with the full time of the first lesson, 45 minutes. She talks about her background in a very specific details, both personal and public information. Amazing! Nice sense of humor, too, that she makes us laugh out loud always. I just love her lecture, at least she lessens the difficulty of such complicated concepts belong to the hard subject.

In the first break time, I couldn't help but came and praised her for the interesting presentation. She gave me a warm hand-shaking and wished me would pass the course this time, after I had told her about my previous failed. Totally a nice lecturer! I just wish with her smart teaching, I could pass this time. Praying...

There is a plenty of new-comers this year, I noticed a Japanese girl coming into class. Hell, seems like I know her, but I'm not so sure 'cos there is something different in her. I have a very strong interest in Japan country and all of its amazing customs and stuffs. I wish I could travel there but unfortunately I yet haven't had chance. Anyway, it's quite a pity my school doesn't have many Japanese students or else I'm sure I will make friends with them in order to know deeply about the country.

During the break time, all of the sudden when I was talking with a black guy, she came to me and said "hi" and asked me whether I still remembered her or not. Of course I said "yes" and we gossiped for a while. Now I do remember, she was the Japanese girl who used to live nearby my apartment, and a whole gang of us had some party nights together last year in her house. It wasn't something like wild party with alcohol and alcohol, but a warm, cosy gathering and we just talked and laughed. The main topic, of course was culture differences when people rotationally introduced about their cultures, at the same time compared and contrasted others.

I must say she is very cute, or Japanese girls are cute in general. You know I love Japan don't you? Anyway, the last time I saw her, she was a little chubby, but now look at her! Wow! Unreasonably, she is having very good shape, just guess she loses some redundant weights and it's just perfect at present. That is why I felt something vaguely different in her. She is very much prettier, just cute like a doll! Alright, she wanted to exchange contact information with me, so I gave her my number, also knew that she still lived in same apartment last year, so yeah! I just plan to hang out or hold some parties sometimes if she doesn't mind. Just hope she doesn't mind!

I studied the whole morning, and one hour after lunch. The second course is International Negotiation taught by an American. Quite good course, though. We laugh much during the studying time so it is just relaxing. I love it when we still be able to relax under such an academic environment, aka school.

Coming back school from a time is quite funny. I just know my speaking and listening skills are weakening over the time, so it's necessary to get them back now. During those studying time, I feel like my reflections gradually return and it's just good! I also realize that after several months working hard to advance my language ability, now it appears to be useful to follow the lessons. A little self-confident, yay yay :P. Anyway, as an English learner, it's never be enough to keep studying!

After class, I come back home. Walk again, and enjoy the nice weather again. Hell, if the weather stays nice like that, I think I don't bother coming back Vietnam, ha ha. :D Okay, just kidding, I prefer Hanoi weather! And of course I am in the homeward journey next year!

Now, I will be busier studying. I'm not kinda studious or study-lover but you know I'm into world of Business and Marketing now so I research them with inspiration, rather than being forced to study. So that, I find myself study is something intriguing , such just a matter of attitude! Still, to be busy is good, at least I don't have plenty of time thinking of what I shouldn't think of. Sigh, time will pass quick, though, keep living well until the right time reached and I can do everything which I wish!

Some notes for a day. I love this life.

0835 pm
030909