Monday, August 31, 2009
Prologue
I miss writing English. These days I don't write anything as practicing, except chatting. So this morning, feeling very good after a hard time doing gym, having a quick breakfast and enjoying myself with music and coffee, I spend time writing some fun because to me writing is really fun! I was back to the old apartment I used to live several months ago, start life over now.
Well, Pre-marital Intimacy, it is the hottest, most sensitive topic debated throughout the world and in Vietnam, in specific speaking, those recent decades. Actually, it is such obsolescent topic already when applying into Western countries---people get used to it---but in Vietnam, a typically feudal society, still a big deal. Daily, the most attention-catching news published is something indicates to sex, just next to religion and world economy respectively. Lately, Vietnamese society expresses its special concern into pre-martial intimacy as the prevailing life-style of such bunches of people, most of those are young. In contrary to western countries, Vietnamese people take this issue serious as more a bad side than a good side. Is it really?
I divide the so-called "Pre-marital Intimacy" into two different issues: Pre-marital Sex and Pre-marital Cohabitation, due to different specific aspects of each. I want to write my own viewpoint about this topic so long time ago, but until today I squeeze out to write something, as I feel myself experienced enough. Still, in the usual conservations among close friends, we often share the viewpoints toward things, so that this entry is in reply to some of my close friends' question for such topic.
Pre-marital Sex
According to some statistics and surveys, we learn that the average age of Vietnamese people start having sex has rejuvenated significantly for at least two recent decades, as early as 15 or 16 years old. Some isolated cases, it could be even younger. It means that an amount of teenagers in secondary school have sex already, just exactly the same period of time compared to western teenagers. For example, in USA or England or France, most of people have sex at the age of 14, quite early. Now, Vietnam seems to follow the world trend quickly. Granted, if people in Europe, American, African or elsewhere except Asian, feel this trend naturally---Vietnamese people and of course some other typical Asian countries like China feel this trend ugly. In the extent of this writing, I just aim to analyse Vietnam case, no other countries, where I have a full clue about.
As I say, Vietnam is still a deeply feudal country even she has been modernized nowadays, but her culture core is still ingrained by feudalism. And under an archetypal feudal regime, early sex is always considered forbidden, or a serious taboo people (should) obey. Many people, most of those are old, keep saying that in the past, our previous generations never had sex before marriage. Gosh, I feel myself this saying mere a shameful lie! Many oldies blame the present generation for having sex too early but I believe that trend happened in all time, not just today. The thing is just today, communication facilities publish more and more news about this, from the past they didn't. Hence, people misconceive all the time that previous generations lived the pure moral life. I don't think so. People always do the pre-marital sex regardless of age!
Anyway, I concede that it seems the number of people have pre-marital sex is now increasing today. But I must say it is normal, and natural. As long as it isn't too early, it is acceptable. When too early? Vietnamese law stipulates that having sex with people under age of 18 is illegal. So, at least be sure that you don't break the law, then it's okay. When I say it's okay, it does mean that just okay with law, not the morality or society's prejudice or else. Personally, I support that law. There must be reason why people rule it. People under 18-year-old still do not grow up enough to be ready for sex; both the physical and spiritual aspects---science proves it. But until people grow up enough, still they are under strict society's prejudices which disallow them to have sex freely. Now, the problem stems from...
Society's prejudices
Vietnamese people generally stick their unwilling attitudes toward pre-marital sex. As Vietnamese culture, sex MUST happen only after marriage. It is the code of morality which unreasonably people obey. Children are educated not to have sex early, especially girls are warned not to lose their chastity before getting married. Pre-marital sex is always considered unprecedented, but ridiculously it is truthfully precedented!
The second prejudice is that Vietnamese girls are immured by that strict curfew so that many of them unworthily end up ruining their lives for having lost chastity. They fear that their future husbands will not accept and forgive them for that. Well, most of Vietnamese men wish to be the first one to possess a girl's maiden---I mean, deflower her, sorry to say---but we (men) can easily dump a girl after having sex (deflowering) with her. It is about men's egoism. Most of men wish to have as many girls as possible to play them, but of course we cannot get married with all, so those girls become miserable. Paradoxically, men wish their wives to be virgin still they marry them, but before marrying them, they have done many other girls. Is it fair to girls? Of course it isn't.
Two big above prejudices lead to other matters in relation with pre-martial sex, such as unintended born children or the alarming increase of abortion, or STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases). I will say about this later on this entry. Before coming deeply into those above problems, it is necessary to define the pure meaning of sex.
What is Sex?
Sex is a human instinct, a natural need just like eat or drink. Essentially, there is nothing bad about sex because it is meant to be a method of preserving lineage, but people make it bad themselves. By the civilization of the world over time, sex has been transformed into a sort of art. Methinks, sex is the cream of two lovers' emotion. It is the highest image of unity of two people who fall in love with each other. When the aspiration reaches its climax, people have sex to release their message that they want to melt into each other, like the story of Twin Flames. Sex is one of milestones of a person's life. All I want to imply is that Sex should only be made once you really love the other one. Sex goes with Love, a true Love, not the amourette or transient affection.
Besides, there are people who view sex as a game, I mean wild sex---one night stand or else---I don't support this idea. As I think, sex without love is plain a game, nothing more. Easy come, easy go. After the game over, what else you can feel? Not so much, yeah?
Of course those open-minded, self-abandoned people feel sex easy. Grab someone, and do them. That's wild sex. What they are doing is exactly like coming back to the stone age, when people just considered sex as basic instinct and a method of preserving lineage, not as enjoying an art. I don't blame these people, at least they know how to live freely, better than feudal people who jail themselves into unreasonably prejudice---hypocrite, I mean. So yeah, feudalism is just hypocritical!
Wild sex is another story, perhaps can be talked in other time. Remember, there is no right or wrong about sex, just the right or wrong person. And, each culture, each country has itself a standard on criticizing sex. I don't support the idea of wild sex doesn't mean I find it bad.
Resist prejudices?
That personal definition of sex is used to resist against the society's prejudice that sex shouldn't be made before marriage, of course when people are over 18 years old. Many couples now have sex before marriage, once they are mature and are responsible enough for what they have done, sex is no longer a taboo. If they love each other and be willing to share the highest affection, aka sex, then just do it. It is them to decide, not the society. Furthermore, imagine that if we all follow the rule of having sex after marriage, is it really possible?
It is real that people get married later and later, at the age from 27 and older, compared to the early age ranges from 14 to 25 from the past. So, since sex is a basic instinct, do you think a person can wait all the way long to have sex? I don't think so! Adolescents are ones who love sex the most! And at that time, their needs for sex are more intensive than ever, how can they wait? Again, science proves that a lack of sex in casual life leads to bad effects on people's health. People lose balance, they cannot do anything, just like they are starving if they don't have anything to eat. So that, sex is to help people get balance! For the advantages of sex, I suppose I don't need to write more, yeah?
It is real that people get married later and later, at the age from 27 and older, compared to the early age ranges from 14 to 25 from the past. So, since sex is a basic instinct, do you think a person can wait all the way long to have sex? I don't think so! Adolescents are ones who love sex the most! And at that time, their needs for sex are more intensive than ever, how can they wait? Again, science proves that a lack of sex in casual life leads to bad effects on people's health. People lose balance, they cannot do anything, just like they are starving if they don't have anything to eat. So that, sex is to help people get balance! For the advantages of sex, I suppose I don't need to write more, yeah?
However, people should keep in mind that once they have love-based sex with someone, at least they should have certain responsibilities on sex partners later on. Men dump women after having sex even men feel good with them. Men dump women just because they want other targets, all about the men's egoism and unsatisfactoriness. Thus, if you feel even after having sex couldn't you two be together, just try to treat each other good. A cold dump hurts your sex partner much. Be mature, be responsible is all you should be before considering sex.
Still, Vietnamese men should be more open-minded about women. Men have the rights to have sex---deflower---with women, so why bother requesting your wife to be still virgin? Men make the exploitation of women, and it is just unfair. As far as I know, many young Vietnamese girls commit suicide just for the thought that they won't find a forgiving husband to accept their losses. Hey men, we are all human being, not the tyrants vs. servants so that feminism should be appreciated. Men have the rights to have sex. So have women. Women have their own emotion like us, so they just react as their emotion tells. It is better if our society takes it easy and frees women from that ingrained prejudice. For human being's sake.
After all, the misconception stems from the damn stupid feudal regime should be eliminated outrightly as soon as possible. Our country, our society has been under stupid fuckin' feudalism for too long, and now it turns to 21st century already, why don't just kill that out-dated and brutal misconception? C'mon, let people free! Freedom of sex should be appreciated!
However, once thinking objectively there have certain dangers that people should be aware of before the sex freedom is accredited. As far as I know, those western countries---as I mention---don't take early sex serious because people all know about the SAFE sex while most of Vietnamese people do not. For this point, it is what we lack and should fix.
Sex Education
The truth is that we are in shortage of a good sex education.
Sex Education here means not only educate people to have a SAFE sex but a GOOD sex. Safe sex doesn't bring STDs or bad consequences, basically. And Good sex doesn't get people hurt after it is done.
For the Safe Sex, everyone can be cognizant of the shortage of sex education in Vietnamese education system. Pupils ain't educated fully and usefully about sex. Adults, teachers or parents avoid talking about sex to the children with the fear that children will have sex early---or worse, adults think children don't need to know about sex. Hell, it is ridiculous that the neglected attitude of adults does lead the children to have sex early! Once reaching a certain age, children will be curious about the new concept "Sex" and try to figure out what it does really mean. If adults ain't ones who guide them, they will surely discover it themselves and easily end up detouring. Like what? Stuffs like surf porn through the net, or experience a real sex themselves with friends to get to know it. Consequently, with the incomplete knowledge about sex, children even don't have a clue to protect themselves. STDs appear, many young children end up killing themselves because of diseases and pressure.
No wonder why there has increasing rate of abortion now, when children don't even know how to use contraception. Consequently, many unborn babies to be killed, many pupils become parents. After all, it originates for almost society maladies: robbery, murder, divorce, prostitution or else. It is all about the bad education!
For the GOOD sex, as I told already in the part of defining sex, when children cannot find help from adults, they must experience sex themselves to satisfy their curiousness. Many of the young come to compromise to have sex with someone to whom they don't even have a feeling. Of course, sex without love cannot bring something good so that it is likely the young will misconceive about the solemn meaning of sex. Then, once they don't understand the meaning of sex, they end up living the wild life which is full of dissoluteness, orgy, revel, dalliance etc. It is the problem of morality, and probably will originate for, again, society maladies: robbery, murder, divorce, prostitution or else. It is all about the bad education!
Apparently, Vietnamese people ALL know that we are having a bad education, but it stays unchanged for decades! Hell, everyone calls for refreshing education but not so much positive reactions to be made so far. The problem really comes from the government and ones who are responsible for setting up law and education in our country. What are they doing? Busy developing national economy? Oh yeah!
Conclusion
After all, my consistent viewpoint is that pre-martial sex should be accepted rather than be forbidden, or avoided. But once you decide to do the pre-martial sex, be sure you collect these suggested qualifications:
1. Having a full grasp of What is Sex and How to do Sex
What is Sex, I have mentioned.
How to do Sex, sounds ridiculous but it turns out to be important. Sex requires specific skills, not just like to plug the electric wire into adapter, ha ha. Sex is all about inspiring your sex partner, so just make it soft and carefully. Treat your sex partner well, make him/her relax. Notice your sex partner's feeling! Get to know what he/she likes or doesn't like. Don't just pay attention to your own feeling, your own satisfaction. Sex is Art, remember!
Early sex might be bad because since the human body still not fully growing, yet it isn't meant for sex. In fact, Medicine claims that too early sex actions might harm your ungrowing body or badly affect your grow-up. Be careful, young!
2. Safe and Good sex is essential
So yeah, try to self-study about how to have a safe sex. If you don't want to have a baby, or don't want to be injected diseases, let them not happen! All about the survival knowledge!
Moreover, choose your right sex partner, the one you are sure not make you down after that. Now, it comes to another issue: paid sex! You know that paid sex is the oldest profession appears in the world so far. And it works in the law of supply and demand. For more information, I suggest you read this interesting article: 'John schools' try to change attitudes about paid sex.
3. Be responsible and be willing
Many young guys force their girlfriends to have sex with them, with the faked convincingness that sex is the representation of a true love. It appears to make sense, but it's just boys' deceit. All most of boys want is to bang a girl, not have her love them. Hey men, think of the girls! They are vulnerable when you leave them, and I'm sure you can firstly just don't care that. But sooner or later, the hurt you make will obsess you the lifetime! How come you live freely with the image of a miserable girl always crossing your stupid mind? Even the very cold, heartless guy has the moment of confession and repentance, so just be responsible for what you have done. Life is fair, people will repay for what they did. Believe me or not?
And for the girls, be wide-awake! You, girls, are ones who must suffer more from this society's prejudice so that don't even ruin your lives by a wrong decision! Honestly, I feel sorry for girls for our stupid goddamn feudal society. If girls feel that they can't defy this society, so protect themselves beforehand.
After all, a forcing sex doesn't bring the good feeling at all. So, never try to force someone to have sex with you. All you get is just bullshit, not sensualness. Indeed!
4. Willing to confront the consequence
No one can say there will be a completely safe sex, it is something beyond human's abilities. Thus, in case you ain't that lucky after having sex, and some bad effects appear like the break-up of a relationship or the unwanted baby born, just explicitly confront it! It is the responsibility we should appreciate, too. For example, some exterior people could criticize you once they know you have sex before marriage, could you be bearable? Can you be willing to solve every likely problems happen after sex?
If you say yes, why hesitate to have a good time with your beloved? C'mon, just do it!
So yeah! Forget all about the morality, all about what outsiders or society keep telling about it, if you are qualified to have pre-martial intimacy, don't miss it! Appreciate sex, keep it as your mindset, then your sex life is just incredible!
Co-habitation
to be continued...
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